Political Science Jokes

bisons butting heads

"Political Science" from Newton to Metcalfe

Here are several basic "political" science theories that are easily proven and unproven.

Proven

Newton's First Law of Motion

  • A politician in power tends to remain in power

Newton's Third Law of Motion

  • For every politician there is an equal and opposite politician

Lenz's law

  • A political force (pf) always gives rise to a current whose political force opposes the original change in political flux

Nash Equilibrium

  • Politicians have no incentive to create solutions

Fermi paradox

  • If a multitude of advanced intelligence exists in the state, why is evidence of such a community not seen in the state capitol.

Leibniz's law

  • All people are born alike - except Progressives and Conservatives

 

Unproven

Mach principle

  • Political mass there influences inertia here

Metcalfe's Law

  • The value of a political party grows as the square of the number of its members increase

Church–Turing thesis

  • Every political function is a computable function

Moore's Law

  • The intelligence of politicians in the legislature will double every year.

Darwin's Theory of Evolution

  • Political creatures evolve from more simplistic ancestors naturally over time

 

 

Political Jokes

I recently asked my neighbors little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President someday.

Both of her parents, Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed.

"Wow...what a worthy goal." I told her, "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party" Her parents still are not speaking to me....

Congressman should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers so we can identify their corporate sponsors.

People who want to share their religious or political views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning?

All the red flags.

If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?

The NSA: a government organization that actually listens to you!

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

What's the difference between a politician and a snail?

One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.

Kid: Dad, I want to be in politics when I grow up.

Dad: Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?

Kid: Forget it. There seems to be too many requirements.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.